she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
