Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
