Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I booty called her while she was in labor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
