I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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