Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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