I heard we made out
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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