party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
