I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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