Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
