I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
