i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
