i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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