It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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