i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
