Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
