it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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