i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
