pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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