i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
