Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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