we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
