The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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