meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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