There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
