remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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