My Higher Power is John Stamos
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
