Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
