what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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