I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
