omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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