Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
