At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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