Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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