I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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