U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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