My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
