The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
