This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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