Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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