It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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