sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
