One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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