I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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