They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Less talking, more tequila
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
