It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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