You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
