2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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