smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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