Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
