Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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