Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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