this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
